Wednesday, December 7, 2011

There is no agony like bearing an untold story inside you. -ZHN

It's okay to not feel okay, sometimes.
It's okay to feel like you're falling, or sinking.
It's okay to feel lonely, or frustrated, or like you have nothing left to give.
It's alright if you feel upset, or like crying for no reason.
It's okay to want to stay in bed all day, and when you can't, it's okay to day dream about hiding underneath the covers for days at a time.
It's understandable to miss feelings you have felt before.
And it's okay to wonder why things have happened, or wonder what things could have been like.
It's okay to not feel yourself, and it's okay if you don't even know what the definition of "yourself" is.
Bottom line: it's okay to feel something besides motivation, fulfillment, contentment.
It's the only way we can appreciate those feelings when they do enter our minds and hearts.

I felt like I hit a wall, recently. I kept picturing myself giving up on all the things I've sacrificed so much to have. The scary part was, those thoughts didn't alarm me. I began feeling like the flame inside me was slowly burning out, and the possibilities I've dreamed about for years were merely illusions in the midst of optimism.
I felt like I've been living in a state of mind that had no grounds in reality. I'd tell myself, "c'mon, Breanna, you can't reeeeeally do that." or "that's impossible, you don't have what it takes to make it in that field of work".
I took those words for notions of honesty, as if I was breaking it to myself that I was in a dream-state, and trying to convince myself reality was a much different place.

But, I know deep down, that's not true. I'm realizing that what you want requires sacrifices that are harder than hell to make. It's difficult to admit, but reaching the goals you set for yourself is an exhausting path to walk. Attaining what you want isn't easy, in fact, it's one of the most difficult things you'll ever face.
That's what makes it worth it.

No one wants to pull all nighters, to miss out on fun nights with friends, or to spend your day off reading and taking notes. No one anticipates anxiety, or nervous break downs, or panic-stricken thoughts right before a test. But, the point is, you do it for a reason.

These quotes made me feel better, maybe they'll help you, too.

Be not afraid of life. Believe that life is worth living, and your belief will help create the fact. -William James. 

Emptiness which is conceptually liable to be mistaken for sheer nothingness is in fact the reservoir of infinite possibilities. -D.T. Suzuki. 

You can’t wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club. -Jack London. 

Instead of spending our lives running towards our dreams, we are often running away from a fear of failure or a fear of criticism. -Eric Wright. 

You must take life the way it comes at you and make the best of it. -Yann Martel.

The difference between a successful person and others is not a lack of strength, not a lack of knowledge, but rather a lack in will. -Vince Lombardi. 

Don't give up on yourself. I know it's hard, but, you can do it.

Love, B.