Tuesday, October 11, 2011

breanna's lesson learned the hard way.

So, my lesson of the month begins like this. Starting my second to last semester (only 3 classes left!), I was beginning to feel, for the first time, that I couldn't do it anymore. I've been feeling perpetually behind in nearly all my courses, struck with panic and uncontrollable anxiety which I self-medicated with too much sleep (which is the main reason i'm behind; it's a cyclical monster). I've been feeling upset, and as much as I want to live a life where my worth was determined by my own choosing, I've been feeling like my value was deteriorating with my grades.

On Friday two weeks ago, I was sitting in my most difficult class (which I hadn't bought the books for, even though it was well into the semester-AH, another example of my procrastinating, ridiculous form of self mutilation), when the professor reminded the class that the test, serving as a majority of our course grade, was only 4 days away..

At that moment I realized one thing: I have the potential to give it all I have, or nothing at all. There is no middle ground. 

As soon as class was out, I bought the $200 bookset, worked when I was scheduled and dedicated every free moment I had to studying my ass off. For the next four days, I reminded myself that it is not a question of "can I do it" it was simply a question of "will I do it".

I understood, and hope you do too, that that no matter what you're faced with- you can not give yourself any other option besides the result you want. As Winston Churchill said, "Never, never, never, never give up".

p.s. I got an A. :)

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